Hello. It is I, your watcher. I watch over the multiverse of west high—the good, great, bad, and evil. Today we look at one of the stranger worlds, “West High, home of the Humans.”

Welcome back to the Red and Black. Go humans! Be careful of the new human statue as you saunter in on all four feet! Some of the big news is mandatory classes, like “How Not to Eat Humans” and “General Facts for Big Wild Cats.” 

The school musical, Beauty and the Panther starring Asher von Meow and Luna Lupen, portrays a human who is turned into a panther as punishment for their evil deeds. But, when they meet another panther, they both learn that life is better this way and live happily ever after as panthers. 5/5 stars!

The Golf Cart Cats want to make sure that everyone puts their raw lunch meats in the disposals located all around the school, and don’t leave it where the snakes can get it. Please remember to get all your hours of sleep in, and don’t stay up late in the mornings trying to get work done, as it’s obviously meant to be done in the hours before daybreak.

This week, we have our annual Meow-Schematics, to find you an “a-moew-azing” compatible person. Feel free to fill out one was you walk into the commons! Today as you see the sky fade from dark to light, congratulate yourself on a day well done. Good look, and good day!