As we approach the holiday season, and with thanksgiving not far in the past, it is about time to start planning some get-togethers with those closest to us: our friends (why would it be family, we see those losers every day). But when planning some sort of secret Santa or white elephant party, it is good to know exactly who will be there and what to expect from said people. Here is a rundown of 8 familiar faces that will be the lights on the menorah of your holiday fun.
Lock your cabinets, fridge, and maybe even your cat’s wet mush that is labelled as food, because this friend is on the hunt. Often the only reason Snacking Sam’s go to parties is for the food, and they will make sure that it is worth the social strain they get from being around literally anyone for any period of time. If you order a pizza, make sure to get firsts, because they will take seconds all the way through eighths.
It is common courtesy to set a price limit on gift giving, to avoid guilt tripping anyone who does not want to drop a ton of money on a fun little get together. Despite this, Wealthy Wills love going over budget with their gifts, then apologizing by bringing attention to their moneybag parents and how they just couldn’t help themselves. Spoiler alert, being rich doesn’t mean you have to actually spend that money.
Since when do sweaters with a picture of Santa holding a red solo cup come in conveniently a few sizes two small? Dude-bro Daniels only know three topics: Marvel, football, and how hot their third period teacher is. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
WHO INVITED WALTER:
UGH, this guy. I mean come on, really? This loser? Not worth writing about, wish he would leave.
STACY’S BOYFRIEND TODD:
Like Stacy is cool and all, but her new boyfriend is a bore. He actually wore socks with sandals, I thought that was like a made up thing. I’d be impressed if it wasn’t so painful listening about his top 5 favorite shades of beige.
Ever since it was announced that he was gonna voice Mario, he has apparently been doing a press tour only consisting of minor appearances at highschool parties. I guess that’s cool or whatever, just give him some pizza and let him hang out, shouldn’t be an issue.
YOUR STEPDAD’S HOUSEPLANT:
The only thing he loves more than online gambling is that plastic plant-like decoration, and if it gets broken it’s on you. Maybe just put that in the spare bedroom, or put some tape around it, whatever it takes to make sure that it doesn’t fall.
URGOS THE DESTROYER OF REALMS:
They are a barrel of laughs, real life of the party. They will tear it up on the dance floor and make sure everyone is included. Don’t mind their name, it’s probably nothing.